Unspoken Words
by Allons-ywibblywobbly
Summary: An exploration of their friendship, set in series 2, episode 4, the night when Hardy and Ellie share a bed. What if Ellie was more persistent in finding out the answer? "You never answered me. Did you ever have sex with Claire Ripley?" "Go to sleep, Miller." "But you know, if you did sleep with her, with all due respect sir, but you are an idiot." "


_**Author's note**: I want to say special thanks to Amy for helping me with this. She is just lovely! This is my first fic ever. I apologize for my limited vocabulary. English is not my first language so it was kind of hard expressing what I had in mind. But I hope you will enjoy it! Just imagine the brilliant Olivia Colman and David Tennant saying the lines to make it more enjoyable :) This is not a shippy Hardy/Ellie fic, it's more about their platonic friendship, which I absolutely adore, but feel free to view it as you like._

"Should I turn the lights off?" said Ellie as Hardy was lying on the bed in the same clothes he wore all day. She made a mental note to mock him about that someday. Doesn't he have pyjamas or something to sleep in? Maybe that's why he always looks like crap all the time, he never bothers to take off his shirts.

Of course, Hardy just groaned like he usually did. She just gave up waiting for an answer and turned off the light.

"Bit weird" Ellie awkwardly smiled at him, slightly amused by this whole situation. But he didn't even look at her and her good mood started to fade away.

She remembered something that she has wanted to ask him since Ashworth told her.

"You never answered me. Did you ever have sex with Claire Ripley?" asked Ellie, genuinely curious.

Hardy sighed. "Go to sleep, Miller", he was hoping she will listen to him and drop the subject. He brought his blanket closer to him as he held it tighter in his hands. Claire's face appeared in front of his eyes, but he tried to ignore it.

Ellie looked at him slightly mad that he avoided her question again. Of course he's not going to answer her. Knob.

After a few moments of silence, she spoke again.

"But you know, if you did sleep with her, with all due respect sir, but you are an idiot."

He didn't say anything. She took his silence as an affirmative answer. So he did sleep with her!

"She's a suspect in a murder case, for God's sake!" She was getting madder the more she thought about it. Wow, he really is the worst cop in Britain, sometimes he has the poorest judgement. "You do realize how such a thing could compromise your whole investigation, no?"

"No." Hardy said almost whispering.

Did she hear it right? Ellie was completely baffled by his response. Does he not realize this? Is he really that stupid?

"No." repeated Hardy, this time with a stronger voice. "I never slept with Claire", finally giving up and telling Miller what she wanted to know.

"Seriously?" said Ellie, surprised.

"I just said I bloody didn't, Miller." Hardy was losing his patience.

"Well…good." She tried not to sound so surprised. "For a moment there, I really thought you're the stupidest detective in the world."

"Sorry to disappoint you then", said Hardy sighing. God, he was feeling so tired. His entire body hurt and his mind was full of distressing memories of a lifeless Pippa…They became even more vivid, probably because they were in Sandbrook, this doomed place where a part of him died the day he found the girl's body in the river. He just wanted to close his eyes and erase these awful images from his memory…

"Although…I would have understood if you had slept with her" said Ellie, not fully understanding as to why she doesn't let go of this subject.

"What?" Hardy was so lost in his thoughts, he barely heard that she said something.

"I mean," Ellie continued shyly "you are a divorced man…she is quite an attractive woman and very flirty as it seems…You kept her closed in that cottage for months…" Ellie had no idea why she kept saying these things. She could feel him becoming tenser, but she couldn't stop the words coming out from her mouth. She quite enjoyed making him a bit embarrassed. "I mean, I get it if you happened to feel lonely…"

"So? That would make it okay to shag her?! Do you even hear yourself, Miller? " Hardy said indignantly, not believing what he had just heard.

"No. It would…just make it understandable." Her voice was soft. "Stupid, but understandable. People do the craziest things when they feel lonely." She started thinking of that horrible night with that stranger.

"Well, not me. I have no problem with a little bit of solitary time" said Hardy, trying to sound confident. Of course, that wasn't entirely true. If he was being honest with himself, he often felt quite lonely. He was a divorced man in his 40s, he barely had any friends that could tolerate his arsehole self and he didn't have the greatest relationship with his daughter either. His career was basically over, his health was almost ruined and his love life was a total disaster. He once loved Tess, but he clearly wasn't the most wonderful husband if she jumped in another man's arms at the first given chance. As for his sex life…well, it was better not to even think about it. Flashes of one of the most embarrassing moments in his life came to mind, remembering about his awkward proposal to a certain Becca…God, what the hell was he thinking? He was not the type of man to propose women to sleep with him. He never was.

"Did you…" Ellie broke the silence, almost startling Hardy's deep train of thought.

Adjusting her voice, Ellie continued. "Can't believe I'm asking you this…Did you ever…I mean…well…have sex with a total stranger?"

"Sorry?" Hardy looked in her direction, shocked by her question. He had the weird sensation she could read his mind. Or did he say all those things out loud?

She couldn't quite see his perplexed expression in the dark, but she could feel it.

"You know…have a one night stand? Or what is the bloody term for that."

"Err…no…Why are you asking me this, Miller?" he said, really confused by where the conversation was going.

"Just conversation I guess…" she wanted to add something, but she wasn't able to form any kind of coherent sentence. She felt stupid. Why would she even ask Hardy something like that?

"Really? People really have conversations like this?" he said, staring at the ceiling.

Ellie turned her head to look at the ceiling too and then she decided to do something that surely she would regret after.

"I had" she said quietly. "I had sex with a stranger. Totally stranger! I have never done something like that" she added innocently.

She was feeling so far away from the woman she took over herself that damned night. That definitely wasn't Ellie.

Hardy didn't know what to say. He just stayed there inert like a moron. Or that's how he felt anyway.

Ellie became frustrated by his complete lack of reaction. She might as well talk to a wall, would make no difference apparently.

Finally, he asked. "Why are you telling me this, Miller?" honestly wondering why her sudden confession. It's not like he should care about what she's doing in the time he's not dragging her with him in his blind chase of Pippa's killer.

"Don't know…Had to tell someone I guess…And like it or not, you're one of the few people that are still talking to me right now." She really questioned herself why would she tell something so private to Hardy. Her faith in people had vanished the day she found out that the man she shared her life with, whom she trusted completely had betrayed her in ways she couldn't even put into words. But maybe she trusts Hardy because she started to understand his skepticism towards people now. They eventually disappoint you and betray your trust. He was right all along. You can never be sure of anything.

Ellie stayed a couple of seconds thinking and then she burst out "It was your fault anyway".

"How on earth can I be responsible for you sleeping around with strangers, Miller?"

"Oh, thanks for making me sound like some promiscuous damsel. It was just one stranger."

"Oh, well if it was just one then..." The conversation made him quite uneasy so he resorted to sarcasm to hide it.

"But it was still your fault. You made me become friends with Claire to win her confidence. We went out for drinks in a pub. We ended up having sex with two men that we met there. It was horrible." After a few moments that felt like an eternity, she confessed with deep humiliation "I have never felt so miserable and lonely in my entire life."

Hardy kept his silence, but he slowly turned his head in her direction. He was feeling profoundly uncomfortable, knowing he was rubbish in this kind of situation. And she knew it too. What should he say to her? She's at a low point in her life and he's not exactly the best person to comfort someone. He could see her face quite clearly in the lights of the street and he noticed her bottom lip starting to wobble. Oh Christ…She always wobbles her lip when she's about to cry.

"Well…at least you had sex" he said, trying to lighten up the mood. "I…once tried to…you know…err…to ask someone for a bit of company and…got rejected." He didn't believe he told Miller this embarrassing moment, but it was the only thing he could think of to distract her from her imminent tears. Besides, it wasn't like he had much self-esteem to protect.

"Nooo…You did what?!" Ellie started smiling despite trying not to. It took her completely by surprise. Hardy, her grumpy ex boss, asking a woman to sleep with him and getting rejected. Now that was something worth to picture.

"Aye…" he mumbled, trying to hide his face with his hands.

"Oh, I can't believe this!" Now, she was properly laughing. More like a nervous laugh, letting go of all of the things that bottled up inside her.

"I'm glad this amuses you so much." Hardy soon regretted telling her about this, feeling completely flustered. But at least he made her laugh. He enjoyed hearing her laugh. She probably hasn't done it in such long time and for good reason.

"It was someone from Broadchurch? Someone I might know?" Ellie knew she was pushing her luck, he never talked about himself. God knows why he was being so open tonight, but she should take the opportunity.

"Err…what difference does it make if ya know her?"

"Well, I might send flowers to the woman who turned down a night of steamy fun with Alec Hardy and congratulate her" Ellie started laughing again, then soon tried to stop, thinking maybe she was being too mean to him. After all, there is nothing funny being rejected like that.

"Aye, very funny." He tried not to sound too hurt. He was in a very vulnerable position and although this was Miller, a woman even more screwed up than he was, he was still feeling uncomfortable sharing this with her. But he thought it didn't get any worse than this, so he gave up and whispered "Becca…It was Becca Fisher from the hotel…"

"What?" oh, she wasn't expecting that.

Hardy just groaned, mentally kicking himself he even started this discussion. Why didn't he just keep his bloody mouth shut?

"Sorry, I shouldn't be laughing…but oh my god…Becca Fisher?" asked Ellie, trying to think in what weird circumstances Hardy must have gotten to even approach a woman. God, she never saw him as a man, I mean, he obviously was a man, but he was always so gloomy and wretched that it was impossible for her to see that side of him.

"Ugh, can we please forget about this?"

"When was this though?" Ellie asked, not sure why she should care about that.

"Eh…doesn't matter. A long while ago. We were still investigating Danny's case." As soon as he finished talking he realized how stupid he was to remind her again about Danny…and Joe.

"Ah, right…" the smile on her face slowly faded. She knew she shouldn't think about Joe and the trial. She promised she won't. That's why she agreed to come with Hardy and focus on his case, to help her forget about that bastard husband of hers…and his son rejecting her. Basically, to forget her life was shit and at least try to help Hardy fix his own mess.

"Sorry" he muttered, knowing what she was thinking about.

"Not your fault."

Ellie then looked at the man next to her and became very aware how ridiculous this whole situation was. She was on a trip with her ex boss, unofficially investigating his last failed case, currently sharing a bed with him, so soon after they were accused of having an affair in court. They had even shared an odd moment discussing their pathetic sex lives. It didn't get weirder than this…And still, Ellie couldn't deny that in an inexplicably way, she enjoyed his presence. Sure, he was a complete knob and a shitface, but he was there. He exasperated her just enough to keep her feeling alive. And the most liberating thing about him was that he didn't change the way he treated her. Since Joe confessed, people had started to act differently around her. Some avoided her or even hated her, some judged her, some just pitied her, the poor wife of a murderer, while her sister and Olly just tried to overcompensate by becoming almost unbearable with their protectiveness. Her son Tom reacted in a way she didn't expect. She thought this would bring them even closer together, but oh boy, she was wrong. At least she had Fred. But her life as she knew it had become a complete mess. Everything changed...Except for Hardy. She realized he was the only constant in her life at the moment. He treated her like he always had. And most importantly, he never doubted her. Ever since he told her about Joe in that horrible cold room, she had never seen the tiniest sign of doubt in his eyes. She could feel that even her own sister looked at her sometimes as if she did know about Joe, but never told anyone to protect him. Why would she protect that sick bastard?! And to think she really loved him…Her whole world was shaken and she felt more vulnerable than ever.

"I know now it doesn't look like it…but things will get better. You will get your life back eventually. It just takes time, Miller…" Hardy said softly as though he knew exactly what was going through her mind.

Ellie smiled weakly at him. For an insensitive arse, he sure can be sweet sometimes. "Look at us. Rubbish detectives living our exceptional shitty lives" she said with a quick laugh.

He smiled then sighed. "You are not a rubbish detective, Miller."

"Quite right, I was sleeping next to a murderer and never suspected it. That sounds like a great detective indeed."

"You're not the one to blame. Besides, you are not the worst cop in Britain. That post is taken." Hardy said it jokingly, but deep down he felt his incompetence stronger than ever. He felt an enormous guilt weighing heavy on his chest, because despite his desperate struggle, he seemed to do more harm than good. Pippa's killer was still out there, Lisa was still missing and above all that, he had to witness Miller's heart being shattered again in that trial. He couldn't help but feel guilty of that too. After all, he was the one that let an emotional wreck of a woman see her husband just after he confessed to killing an 11 year old boy. He should have foreseen that she would do something potentially compromising to the whole case. But he made the mistake of letting himself get emotionally involved. His heart was aching seeing this woman's life being torn apart. He had seen many horrible things in his career that made him rage against the injustice of this world, but he never felt it stronger than seeing this saint of a woman, who never did anything wrong in her life having the cruelest twist of fate. It felt utterly unfair. But life was like that, unfair. He knew it too well.

"Oh, you always feel the need to take other people's jobs, don't you?" Ellie responded to his joke. But he should know she really doesn't believe for a second he's a bad detective. It sure looked that way sometimes, he having that failed case, but she has seen him work, she knows he tries the best he can. Of course she would never tell him this, but she really admires the determination he has to close the Sandbrook case. Everybody gave up on the case, but not him. The fact that she knew now why he was so obsessed with Sandbrook, made her see him in a new light. At first, when he asked for her help, she just assumed he wanted to resolve the case to clear his name, that it was just an ego thing to get his career on its feet again, but now she realizes his motivation goes way deeper than that. Just picturing him caring the rotten body of Pippa out of the water affected her deeply. She couldn't even imagine how profoundly it must have affected him.

"Oh, for God's sake, will you ever get over the bloody job thing?" an exasperated Hardy rolled his eyes.

"I might if you stop forcing me to work with you. It's obvious you're so bad at this job you need me to help you resolve it" Ellie teased him. He was hard to work with, but somehow it felt good. She hates to admit, but she was grateful for him constantly nagging her with the Sandbrook case. It took her mind off the nightmare that her life has become and it made her feel important to be doing some detective work again. God, she missed it.

"Well, you shouldn't have agreed to help me then." Hardy looked at her with tender eyes. He liked it when she felt confident. And she should feel confident because as far as he knew, she was a brilliant detective. He would never say this to her of course, but he wouldn't know what he would have done if she hadn't agreed to help him.

"You practically forced me into this. You looked at me with those miserable eyes of yours and just begged me to help you!" She enjoyed annoying him quite a lot.

"You could have said no, you know" Hardy teased her, but actually started to feel a bit guilty for involving her in this. Maybe he was being too selfish to ask for her help when she had so much going in her life. But that was the point. He felt that if she focused on this, it would make it easier for her to make it through this painful moment in her life. Keeping her mind occupied with Sandbrook and forcing her to come with him to investigate, that was how he was making sure that she didn't have too much time to spend thinking of Joe. It was his own dysfunctional way of taking care of her. Plus, if he ever would have trusted any other detective with Sandbrook, it would be Miller.

"Oh, shut up!" She knows too well that she couldn't have refused to help him. She's too nice to do that. And to be honest, she really didn't mind helping him. Spending this day with Hardy was a turning point for her. Oh, how life can trick you…Joe seemed like the perfect man, sweet and caring and he turned out to be a paedophile and a murderer. On the other hand, Hardy always seemed an egotistical bastard, with his rude behaviour towards everyone. She really didn't like him at first. He still annoys her, but now her opinion has changed a bit; quite a lot actually. She just realized that underneath this irritating prick was a broken man. In that particular moment, she saw how vulnerable he actually was and for once, she felt the stronger one out of them. He once offered her a hug. Of course, she rejected it. He has the emotional grace of a rock. He doesn't do hugs in general so why would he offer her one? It seemed completely awkward and unnatural. But now she kept thinking, maybe he's the one that needs a hug. She shrugged this idea off, she felt silly that she even considered hugging Hardy. Oh, she has to stop being so soppy sometimes. Of course she won't hug him. That doesn't even sound right.

Ellie realized he hasn't said anything in quite a while and started wondering if he hasn't fallen asleep. "Hardy?"

"Aye?"

"Oh, thought maybe you fell asleep. You haven't said anything."

"Well, you told me to shut up."

He sounded like a school boy that had been grounded and it made her smile.

"And I see you took it quite literally" Ellie said shaking her head amused.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Hardy was the one to break it.

"Maybe we should sleep. It's been a long day and tomorrow won't be easy either."

"Oh sure, that sounds about right" said Ellie, a bit disappointed that now she had to stay alone with her thoughts until sleep took over her. Surprisingly, she enjoyed talking with him. She didn't know how he did it, but although he never actually said comforting words and usually he just infuriated her with his shitty platitudes, she always made her a bit more relaxed. She just felt like he was the only one who could truly understand the horrific things she was going through without judging her. Maybe it was because they were both equally broken. She wanted to tell him so many things, but she ended up just telling him a simple "Goodnight then".

Taking a deep breath, he responded.

"Goodnight." And with that one word he wished he could express all his gratitude and deep admiration for the woman next to him who was just one of the few people who made him believe the world maybe wasn't a completely terrible place to live in. An imperceptible smile came across his face as he fell asleep.


End file.
